This is so true. At 68, I've only learned to truly feel and 'stay' with my feelings in the last few years after decades of fawning, performing and perfectionism. Chatting with my 28 year old grandson and his wife recently, I cried twice when talking about the deaths of my Mum and my brother. I didn't apologise, but said I hope they didn't feel uncomfortable with my emotions and they both said they'd rather have conversations where we could all be open and honest than talk about the weather!
I'm sure they were grateful you let them see your heart and felt even closer to you. I am such a feeler but in my younger years defaulted to fawning and perfectionism. Now I don't apologize when I cry. I tend to share what I'm feeling. It's freeing. And I feel more confident and connected now to.
Totally get the vulnerability, and knowing intellectually no-one cares or it doesn't matter if they judge me anyway, but the feelings can be so extreme, full of fear and shame, like reliving the old trauma almost.
Feelings aren't talked about enough imho. Let's normalize it by talking about it often! It's my favourite topic: me my feelings, lol. And other people's too of course. We can change our state in a moment with the right motivational or loving words, and the practiced skill of noticing yourself, realizing where the feelings come from, allowing rather than resisting them, and knowing that nothing bad is actually happening right now, it's simply a trigger from the past.
I'm committed to normalizing talking about and feeling feelings. It's healing and empowering. And when we can sit with our feelings, allow them to move through and offer ourselves soothing, compassionate words, we see we don't have to be so afraid of our feelings either.
This captures that skinless feeling of visibility so honestly. Understanding it intellectually does not make it disappear emotionally, and naming that gap matters.
The idea that overexposure is often the signal you are close to something meaningful feels grounding. Thank you for naming the messy middle so clearly.
I can tell you firsthand that "vulnerability" is a cloaked SUPER POWER. It has improved every relationship I have allowed it to seep into...I wish I had done it sooner. It's where real honesty emerges, and it's unrehearsed, unplanned, and opens doors!
It is somehow comforting to know that "no one cares" rather than feeling judged. I've just finished the draft of my book and it's in the hands of first readers for revisions, and I feel quite vulnerable, but these are women I trust. So stressing less than I am sure I will when my "baby" launches into the world. Thank you for this insight. Love, Virg
Oh wow! I can relate to this so much right now! This is exactly what I needed to read as I am about to post another piano sketch and another article. And I am definitely feeling vulnerable. This has given me that little push I needed. Thank you!
Choosing to open up is scary but also very necessary. Your article brings out the urgency of doing so. I’ve touched on a few of these in my posts. Would mean a lot if you read, commented and subscribed. Just subscribed to you.
This came at such a wonderful time in my life. I’ve committed to trying to do something new that scares me every month this year. I have already done two things - while mid panic attack - but I’m doing it anyway. I’ve survived so many other hard things, so I am going to train my brain that doing scary things won’t kill me after all.
I love this! It's the willingness to act in the face of fear (mid panic attack) that takes us to the next stage of growth! So inspiring to hear of your courage! Your brain will definitely get the memo and it will get easier and easier each time you do a scary thing.
Saying the true thing creates turbulence, and that feels terrible in the moment, but it really is the only way to get back to real intimacy. Such a necessary perspective 🥰
This is so true. At 68, I've only learned to truly feel and 'stay' with my feelings in the last few years after decades of fawning, performing and perfectionism. Chatting with my 28 year old grandson and his wife recently, I cried twice when talking about the deaths of my Mum and my brother. I didn't apologise, but said I hope they didn't feel uncomfortable with my emotions and they both said they'd rather have conversations where we could all be open and honest than talk about the weather!
Karen ✨️
I'm sure they were grateful you let them see your heart and felt even closer to you. I am such a feeler but in my younger years defaulted to fawning and perfectionism. Now I don't apologize when I cry. I tend to share what I'm feeling. It's freeing. And I feel more confident and connected now to.
So good, Colette! I relate so deeply to this <3
Thank you Anna <3 <3
Totally get the vulnerability, and knowing intellectually no-one cares or it doesn't matter if they judge me anyway, but the feelings can be so extreme, full of fear and shame, like reliving the old trauma almost.
Feelings aren't talked about enough imho. Let's normalize it by talking about it often! It's my favourite topic: me my feelings, lol. And other people's too of course. We can change our state in a moment with the right motivational or loving words, and the practiced skill of noticing yourself, realizing where the feelings come from, allowing rather than resisting them, and knowing that nothing bad is actually happening right now, it's simply a trigger from the past.
I'm committed to normalizing talking about and feeling feelings. It's healing and empowering. And when we can sit with our feelings, allow them to move through and offer ourselves soothing, compassionate words, we see we don't have to be so afraid of our feelings either.
Yes! Absolutely! 🌟
This is very good stuff Colette. I'm reading and listening. It's very impactful on me and I'm sure others. Thank you.
Thanks so much Dusty 🙏🏻
It's funny how one's mind plays tricks.
Indeed!
This captures that skinless feeling of visibility so honestly. Understanding it intellectually does not make it disappear emotionally, and naming that gap matters.
The idea that overexposure is often the signal you are close to something meaningful feels grounding. Thank you for naming the messy middle so clearly.
Thank you for this 🙏🏻
Great article Colette!! Can totally relate to these feelings!!
Thank you — so glad to hear you can relate too 🙏🏻
I can tell you firsthand that "vulnerability" is a cloaked SUPER POWER. It has improved every relationship I have allowed it to seep into...I wish I had done it sooner. It's where real honesty emerges, and it's unrehearsed, unplanned, and opens doors!
I could not agree with you more -- it has changed every aspect of my life for the better too. Vulnerability for the win!
It is somehow comforting to know that "no one cares" rather than feeling judged. I've just finished the draft of my book and it's in the hands of first readers for revisions, and I feel quite vulnerable, but these are women I trust. So stressing less than I am sure I will when my "baby" launches into the world. Thank you for this insight. Love, Virg
You are most welcome. It really is SO vulnerable but also amazing. Congrats! I'm excited for you!
Can you repost this quarterly? This is such an important message and you are not only living it, but giving words to it for so many others. Thank you!
Oh wow! I can relate to this so much right now! This is exactly what I needed to read as I am about to post another piano sketch and another article. And I am definitely feeling vulnerable. This has given me that little push I needed. Thank you!
Choosing to open up is scary but also very necessary. Your article brings out the urgency of doing so. I’ve touched on a few of these in my posts. Would mean a lot if you read, commented and subscribed. Just subscribed to you.
This came at such a wonderful time in my life. I’ve committed to trying to do something new that scares me every month this year. I have already done two things - while mid panic attack - but I’m doing it anyway. I’ve survived so many other hard things, so I am going to train my brain that doing scary things won’t kill me after all.
I love this! It's the willingness to act in the face of fear (mid panic attack) that takes us to the next stage of growth! So inspiring to hear of your courage! Your brain will definitely get the memo and it will get easier and easier each time you do a scary thing.
Saying the true thing creates turbulence, and that feels terrible in the moment, but it really is the only way to get back to real intimacy. Such a necessary perspective 🥰
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing this with us.
I am just as scared as you!