Great example post. It's safer to stay quiet but of course like you say, you're pretending, and you're disconnecting from yourself. Better to honour the tiny person inside that's the one needing your attention. Then consider if you need more attention from your partner. Clumsily written but Isn't that the issue or possible solution? 🤔 Not easily done though, especially without therapeutic help. 🥰
Yes and to remember that we can be the adult we need — it doesn’t (and can’t all come from a partner). We can offer ourselves validation and compassion, comfort and support. And we can ask more clearly when we need it from a partner and thus have a much better chance that they can be there for us too.
10000000% can relate. I love your reframe about how we can and get to have both. Albeit easier said than done as Debra mentioned 🤦♀️. Thank you so much for this Collette.
This especially applies to women as they are indoctrinated to not expecting as much, not as much pay, higher positions in work and even in relationships. Unfortunately, it flies in the face of those people that genuinely don't desire as much and have higher empathy and/or sensitivity to humanity. So maybe we should be encouraging others to not want so much? Just a reverse in thinking. Either way, there is an element of abuse that can be tied to not needing as much when it concerns equality and equanimity. Interesting post.
I agree. Your emotional needs are pretty hardwired: for closeness, attunement, and comfort — especially during hard times. Most of us have been conditioned to stay small and try to not need but this does not serve us. We can’t expect all our needs will be met by others, even significant others but we can always provide for ourselves and in order to do that we have to be tuned in and connected to ourselves.
Great example post. It's safer to stay quiet but of course like you say, you're pretending, and you're disconnecting from yourself. Better to honour the tiny person inside that's the one needing your attention. Then consider if you need more attention from your partner. Clumsily written but Isn't that the issue or possible solution? 🤔 Not easily done though, especially without therapeutic help. 🥰
Yes and to remember that we can be the adult we need — it doesn’t (and can’t all come from a partner). We can offer ourselves validation and compassion, comfort and support. And we can ask more clearly when we need it from a partner and thus have a much better chance that they can be there for us too.
10000000% can relate. I love your reframe about how we can and get to have both. Albeit easier said than done as Debra mentioned 🤦♀️. Thank you so much for this Collette.
Yes indeed! And thanks for your comment. So human and yet so much richer when we’re attuned to self.
This especially applies to women as they are indoctrinated to not expecting as much, not as much pay, higher positions in work and even in relationships. Unfortunately, it flies in the face of those people that genuinely don't desire as much and have higher empathy and/or sensitivity to humanity. So maybe we should be encouraging others to not want so much? Just a reverse in thinking. Either way, there is an element of abuse that can be tied to not needing as much when it concerns equality and equanimity. Interesting post.
I agree. Your emotional needs are pretty hardwired: for closeness, attunement, and comfort — especially during hard times. Most of us have been conditioned to stay small and try to not need but this does not serve us. We can’t expect all our needs will be met by others, even significant others but we can always provide for ourselves and in order to do that we have to be tuned in and connected to ourselves.