Quiet Is Not Harmless

How to Stop Self-Silencing and Reclaim Your Voice

Jan 04, 2026

Tonight, my dear friend Jill was kind enough to host a pre–book launch gathering for me with a group of truly fabulous women. As of today, The Cost of Quiet is less than a month out from publication, and I said a few words about why I wrote it. What followed was a thoughtful, authentic conversation that reminded me exactly why this work matters so much to me, and I want to share with you what I shared with them.

I wrote this book because I wanted to shed light on the biggest problem I see in therapy and offer a solution. And because I lived this struggle myself.

My parents argued before they divorced, and I remember lying in bed at night, comforting myself with the vow to have the perfect marriage one day.

Because of what I witnessed that meant conflict-free. I wanted a relationship where there was never any disagreement or arguing.

So I strived to be emotionally independent, agreeable, and put others’ needs before my own.

Which let’s face it, is still how society wants women to be: small and selfless.

I thought it was the fact that my partner didn’t respond well that was keeping me from speaking up, but it was really my own fear.

When we don’t know how to navigate conflict constructively, it feels like a threat to our most important attachment bonds.

So while it’s instinctive to want to avoid, it comes with a great cost.

When we don’t address the little things and share our feelings and needs clearly, it leads to resentment, contempt, and disconnection, which is what ultimately destroys our relationships.

And it comes with an even greater long-term cost: it destroys our sense of self and our mental and physical health. Emotional suppression has been linked to anxiety, depression, cardiovascular disease, autoimmune disorders, irritable bowel syndrome, and cancer. It can literally kill us.

I see it all the time in therapy: smart, successful women self-silencing and avoiding to keep the peace and take care of everyone else, and in the process they lose their voices… and themselves.

Avoidance becomes a way of managing someone else’s reactions instead of honoring our own inner experience.

But when we let our partner’s response determine whether we self-advocate, we give our power away.

We abandon ourselves and prevent the possibility of truly being known.

So in this book, I provide an actionable process called Self-Connected Communication based on the best of what I’ve learned from doing therapy.

It’s a method to break out of the avoidance trap by staying connected to your wise, loving adult self and come forward with confidence and clarity.

It feels good in your body when you speak your truth because it’s what we’re designed to do.

And when you’re really vulnerable and assertive you will get through and be responded to much more often than you think.

I see it every day in my office. And I’ve even heard from some of my advanced readers, “I tried these methods and it really worked. I was shocked by how differently my partner responded.”

You create the opportunity for the kind of emotional intimacy we all long for.

But no matter how your partner responds your voice matters, and it deserves to be spoken.

If this resonates, the book goes much deeper. The Cost of Quiet is less than a month from publication, and you can pre-order it now. When you do, you’ll receive the Cost of Quiet Toolkit with practical, evidence-based tools to help you stop self-silencing and communicate with more clarity, confidence, and self-trust.

I’m also hosting a big pre-launch celebration here in Florida, including a live podcast recording, and I would truly love for you to join me to celebrate and help get this book out into the world. You can find details and tickets here.

Thanks for being a part of my journey and I can’t wait to share this book with you.

XO,

Colette

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